Seal of Freshness
A food or drink always has a seal which must be broken before consuming what is inside. Otherwise who knows whether someone already took a sip and left some backwash from their mouth to defile the drink? Who knows whether the canned food may have been adulterated with some cheapened filler by a reseller? The seal is a guarantee of freshness, of purity, of freedom from contaminants and others slobber left over. The hymen serves this purpose of functioning as a seal.
Devaluing of Virginity
When the "purity culture" of the 90's is talked about by modern Christians, it is often discussed in a contemptuous manner, as if it was some kind of major mistake to actually try to follow God's word for once.
Defending the virtue of virginity was not a mistake by any means. We need to draw a line in the sand against sinful compromise or sin will slowly encroach continuously further. Virginity is an important "line in the sand" to defend. Once a Christian girl is seduced and gives up her virginity it is like all hell breaks loose and she goes fully to satan. All other boundaries and standards quickly fall like dominoes. The same does not apply for a non-Christian woman who started out worldly and only found faith after already having lost innocence. These can stay strong regardless of virginity because God gives extra grace due to their past being outside of Christ. For one raised in a strong Christian house however there is no excuse and loss of virginity often leads to a long period of worldliness and rebellion against Christ.
"Double-standards" are legitimate
Women do not care about a man's sexual past near as much as men care about a woman's purity and her past. Virginity is often shameful for a man (though for a Christian it should not be), even though lack of virginity can be associated with shame for a woman.
This double standard is because a man is never considered as pure. Even if he follows great strictness to the point of even staying a virgin, everyone knows his mind has experienced and probably still experiences plenty of lust, he has probably battled porn and masturbation. A man must offer value in other ways because a man, especially a single man, will never be considered as pure, no matter what he does.
For this reason, historically the word ‘virgin' applied only to girls. The Hebrew word for virgin was interchangeable for "young woman" and meant a girl in her early teens or younger as well as meaning a girl who had not had sex before because they were supposed to be the same situation. A young unmarried girl of that age was protected so that her purity would not be defiled either forcibly or by being seduced by the local badboy as always happens today.
There was no such thing as a male virgin however. In fact, the biblical book of Revelation was the first place in history to create the concept of male virginity.
Revelation 14:3-5 "…..no one could learn that song except the hundred and forty-four thousand who were redeemed from the earth. These are the ones who were not defiled with women, for they are virgins. These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These were redeemed from among men, being firstfruits to God and to the Lamb. And in their mouth was found no deceit, for they are without fault before the throne of God."
Spiritual Virginity
The passage in Revelation is symbolic however. The number 144,000 is based on the square of the sacred number 12 used for the tribes of Israel. They are symbolized by males who have "not defiled themselves with women." What this actually signifies is not literal males only, but the men and women who were able to resist the seduction of the Whore of Babylon, later described in Revelation. The 144,000 is the special class of Christian who are allowed to become the bride of Christ. Not all Christians are part of the bride. Some are saved from hell and can live in paradise but only the 144,000 will live in the holy city. This is why the New Jerusalem is 144 million furlongs in length and its wall is 144 cubits. The virginity of the 144,000 is not physical virginity just as these are not physically males only. Virgin male means these resisted the temptation and seduction of the world (seen in the whore of Babylon) and instead valued staying pure in their spirit for Christ. The 144,000 are the select group of Christians who are allowed to become to bride of Christ. It is a spiritual number, not a literal limit which leads to absurdities such as the JWs hilariously teach that "heaven is already full, but join us anyways even though you can't go there yourself."
There is always room in the bride of Christ until Christ returns. That is the point at which those who did not keep watchful with the oil on their lamps are left weeping, locked outside in the dark.
Matthew 25:1-15
"Then the kingdom of heaven shall be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Now five of them were wise, and five were foolish. 3 Those who were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them, 4 but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. 5 But while the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept.
6 "And at midnight a cry was heard: ‘Behold, the bridegroom is coming; go out to meet him!' 7 Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps. 8 And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.' 9 But the wise answered, saying, ‘No, lest there should not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell, and buy for yourselves.' 10 And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut.
11 "Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, Lord, open to us!' 12 But he answered and said, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, I do not know you.'
13 "Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming.
"Spiritual virginity" is simply purity, the whole purity of your soul, not just sexual.
Ephesians 5:27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
What about, what about, what about!?
What about one who was raped or was abused as a young age? Does that mean she is not pure?
The world is an extremely unfair place; the opposite of fairness in fact. Demons unfortunately love to enter through trauma. A person can be defiled through no fault of their own. Now Christ is powerful to cleanse and deliver and will give victory, but this is a process. The hard truth is that one who experienced rape or abuse has both their body and spirit defiled and must be cleansed and healed. Pretending there is no defilement makes it worse and can prevent the person from seeking healing and deliverance from the demons that entered through that experience.
God's Forgiveness vs Human Preference
Different men have very different preferences. Some Christian men are really not bothered to marry a wife with a sexual past, while other men will be grieved deeply by it and think of it often. This second set of men is often pressured by other Christians to look past the woman's past and accept her as Christ accepted us in our sinful state and did not love us any less for it. Unfortunately this can lead to more harm than good. The man may marry a non-virgin out of guilt, but then ends up resenting her for it later in life. I have seen this being discussed fairly often in online forums, even though it is usually not talked about in person.
Some men really have the humility and compassion of Christ in being able to accept a woman's past easily and see the new person in Christ they have become. These can even accept the children a woman had previously with an earlier man, even without having brought kids of his own into the relationship. Think of the man who married the prostitute Rahab in the Bible. He was able to look beyond her past and see the transformed person God had helped her become. Christ himself was born through Rahab's lineage. I truly respect and admire the love and humility the men who do this are able to display, but not all of us men can do this and keep a good attitude and for those of us who can't, we should not be pressured to. It's better for those women to wait for the kind of man who will be happy to accept their past without being bothered by it or resentful over it.
Some of us men really desire and truly need a blank slate in our wife. For myself, I don't even highlight or underline in my textbooks. I like to see them bright clean and untouched. Likewise I personally can't handle the thought of a woman with tattoos. I was really getting distressed about the thought that I would have to settle for a woman who had been with men while I had not had any experience with women.
Pressuring every man to accept a woman with a sexual past is a horrible idea, because the man may end up turning resentful and being unable to show her the true Christ-like love that she deserves.
Men and women need to be honest with each other and unashamed of their non-negotiable needs and desires. A woman should not be ashamed if a man who values financial stability is one of her core requests, as long as the "for better or worse" vow is understood that life sometimes has its own plans and upsets us even when we do our best.